Living Your Intention

Holding on to Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love: how do we hold it in our lives? We consider it our intention. Rather than beating our self up when we have been other than unconditional in our love of self and others we shift the focus and realize spiritual living is about constant realigning our intention.

Jesus’s quote: “Love as I have loved you.” encourages us when we hold it this way rather than feeling guilty because we have not managed such perfect love.

When you realize that you are stuck. You feel you cannot let the past go, a hurt go, a grudge go and the harsh inner voice of the ego brings out guilt, remember your intention. Your intention is something you move toward and are vigilant about.

Contemplate what it would be like for you to be unconditional. Doing so will bring out the incongruities, the lies. Contemplation helps you to begin to notice the places where you live what isn’t true. You will discover that you lie to yourself and others to get what you want – acceptance, approval, love. Asking yourself who would you be without that thought/belief and how do you live while believing it? are a few of the questions that help bring more honesty into your life. Honesty decreases the guilt and you are more likely to become unconditional in your love.

Use some of the tools from “The Work” of Byron Katie to bring out any beliefs that stop you from living your intention. Use the exercises and tools from my book, “At Your Heart’s Pace.”

Peace to You.

Read transcript:

Show »

Hello and welcome. I am Ellen Sutherland and we are “Being Spiritual.”

…being spiritual… I have been contemplating unconditional love and how it works in my own life and how well I am managing to do so and of course that means my little ego mind is assessing and judging. How can I judge? How can I judge when the best I can do is have it (unconditional love) as an intention.

The quote for this week was the quote from Jesus, a kind of graffiti-written quote – on a card I received that says, “Love as I have loved you” – Jesus. I don’t know that he said that, but certainly he epitomizes it. And so I have been with the whole concept of unconditional love and how to hold that and how to offer that opportunity. For example, what do you do when you bump up against a situation that you just can’t let go? What do you do with that? How do you live with yourself when you realize you cannot forgive, when maybe you are a teacher, maybe you are a student of some school that is a proponent of unconditional love – most of the spiritual schools are. Secretly you have this guilt that there are some things you just cannot forgive. You can’t let the past go, you can’t forgive yourself, or others and thus you are unable to live your intention.

One of the ways that we need to look at unconditional love is that it is an intention. It is the compass’s direction we have set. Who is judging us but our harsh ego. Our harsh ego is yapping in us saying, ” Look what you did. You fell off the wagon, you judged someone. How can you be spiritual and do that?”

An intention is something to move toward, to be vigilant about. We get better and better at it. Spiritual life is about giving ourselves a break, but it is also about staying on course. So that means when we stray, when we get afraid, when we get angry, when we get judgmental; when we are self or other unforgiving we look to find what to do with that. How can we change it. There are some techniques if you look back in the blogs you will find a tapping (therapy) one and I am going to be offering some of the others as well.

One of the things you can do is you can just be with the whole idea – you can contemplate what it would take for you to let go of an issue. Pick one. Pick one that is really difficult. So maybe it is a constant irritant. The noise level of the kids, constantly irritating you. You are in constant judgment or annoyed with them or yelling at them. Then you go “Oh, I can’t do that – I’m unconditionally loving.” and you come back to your intention.

One of the things Byron Katie’s work does is that she gets you to ask yourself certain questions – if you go look at her work, you will find out what they are. She gets you to ask yourself questions that get you more honest – much more honest. Such as “Who would you be without the thought my kids shouldn’t make so much noise?” “Who are you with the thought, my kids shouldn’t make so much noise, and they do?” Those kind of contemplations help us to get very honest.

Once we are more honest, then the self-judgment is lessened, incredibly lessened. Then our intention of being unconditional becomes much more possible because we are not lying.

There is so much in us that is lying. We put on the face, because that is what we learned. We want something from people, we wanted something from our parents, usually approval, love, acceptance and so we did (what was asked) – we molded our self into what they wanted.

On some level that molding has not gone away. When we want something from someone else in the world, we continue to present the face. Well that face is a lie, many times. “Children shouldn’t make noise.” What do you think? They make noise. The thought is erroneous; you plucked it out of the air. Somewhere you learned that’s the way it (you) should be and you learned that (and therefore want it from others.)

In living with unconditional love, I think you will find, if you just look, if you just observe, you will find many areas in you life where you are believing one thing – it should be one way – and that is causing a lot of judgment toward you self and others, when in fact it is a lie. It is a lie. Byron Katie’s work is very helpful for that. Check her out. My book, At Your Heart’s Pace is also very helpful with lots of exercises to help you move toward your spiritual intention.

So my dears, unconditional love, unconditional love with no condition. Just think about what is going on inside of you that may be stopping that potential from being there.

Peace to you.

About ellen

Ellen Sutherland shares her work through her sites:, and her book: "At Your Heart's Pace",
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5 Responses to Living Your Intention

  1. Angela Scott says:

    I’ve had to work on this concept. I’ve had to work hard–I’m still working on it. When I was much younger, it was an eye for an eye. You hurt me, I will hurt you back, walk away and refuse to forgive you. I’ve come a long way. Relationships with a few of my in-laws, at that time, I vowed never to speak to them again. I let them have it.

    But years later, we’ve moved past that. The anger and hurt was only destroying me. I had to let go and remove my expectations, because people will fall short of them. It will happen. I wish I could love unconditionally all the time. I will I could look past flaws more often. I will continue to try.

  2. Nicely put Angela. I watched a British TV series recently, called “Life on Mars,” set in the early ’70’s. It stunned me. It showed how much had changed and had not changed in a span of 40 years.
    I wish you success on your journey to “unconditional.” I suppose we have this life-time in order to find out what is truly important. May we all take the time to do so.
    Peace to you,

    • Suzy says:

      That’s the best answer of all time! IMHO

      • ellen says:

        Hi Suzy,
        Your comment had me go back and review the vid. Unconditional seemed such an impossible thing to manage… I have focused on it in order to erase my guilt at not being unconditional…lol. Thankyou for your comment. Peace.

  3. Eddi says:

    Now that’s subtle! Great to hear from you.

Comments are closed.